Since Advent started, God has been doing something completely new in my life. He's been showing me the depth of what commitment takes. 

It started with a book by C.S Lewis, called "A Grief Observed". It's basically a journal about Lewis' process of dealing with the grief of losing his wife. For those of you who don't know, Lewis married his wife, Joy Gresham, while she was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer. Stop and imagine all the courage that would take. After they married (at her hospital bed), she went into remission, only for the cancer to reappear after 4 years of their marriage. When i read that book, i realized that i have no idea what commitment really looks like. I started asking God, "show me what it means to love like that; give me one chief characteristic that i can pray to increase. That was the beginning of a journey that i can best sum up in one word:

patience.

The journey's continuing. It's been full of many moments, with many different people. But i recently had another encounter that was very special:

During an event at which i was playing music, i ended up in a conversation with a very nice older lady, who shared with me her story: how she had been diagnosed and had suffered with bi polar disorder for 33 years; that her oldest child also had bi polar disorder, and the youngest child as well. Then she proceeded to talk about her husband, and how her husband of 36 years had been living with 3 people with bi polar disorder for over 30 years, and never once did he complain; that he is a faithful man who reads his bible every day and prays and is always there to help them. It felt like someone had taken two electric shock paddles and put them on my heart. I stood there and let the conviction of the Holy Spirit in my heart take place as tears streamed down my face and i listened; 

"One time, i was in therapy, and they asked me if i was stranded on a desert island, what i would want. I said geckos. They all thought i was crazy. But we lived in a small town in Texas, and our house was riddled with geckos. They were everywhere. But it was the happiest time in my life, and everybody was okay…"

As we hugged each other with laughing and tear stained faces, i walked away more broken and more whole and blessed. I'm realizing more and more of what this word means, as my maker is painting me a picture with human hearts and faces; and i realize how far i have to go, but how beautiful an endeavor it is. She kept apologizing for taking my time, and in a moment of inspiration, i said, "you're not taking it, i'm giving mine, and you are giving yours".  

So i pray today that God continues to give myself (and all of us)  the grace to allow Him to move and shape our hearts. Maybe your capacity to love is small, and you need an increase; maybe you are afraid, and need to simply let God into the middle of those fears, and let Him bring about assurance; maybe your constant impatience with where the God of the universe has you is frustrating, and you are like a child throwing a tantrum. Let Him hold you and put peace back into your heart. You won't truly discover who you are outside of the arms of God. 

God, grant that we would all grow in patience, to allow each other to unfold into the people we are called to be.