Squinting at the sun

April 20th (Day 10 of 50)

There's a Walgreen's pharmacy not too far from my house; walking distance, actually. Earlier this week, I walked my son over there (he's still in his stroller) - he likes the scenery ;)
On the way back though, the sun was directly in his eyes, and i kept noticing how the direct sunlight was too much for him...it was too bright. Then i read this scripture later this same week....

"...and this is the verdict, that the light came into the world, but people preferred darkness to light."
John 3:19

While I don't think my son prefers darkness to light, what I do know is that the darkness takes longer to acclimate to, and its harder to see. Your field of vision is very limited; and naturally, when you can't see, you get scared of moving. I've witnessed my son waking up in the middle of the night in his crib, and judging by the sound of his voice, he's clearly communicating,"WHERE AM I AND HOW DID I GET HERE?!? AND WHY IS IT SO DARK"

When you turn on a big light, it will blind you for a time. But if you're willing to endure that brightness, you will see far beyond what you could in the dark.
You know, people aren't always willing to go through the acclimation process to be in the light. Sometimes the darkness becomes an easier place to reside; that is, until you wake up in it, and are crying out for light; to see and be seen.

April 19th (Day 9 of 50)

"So now I tell you, have nothing to do with these men, and let them go. For if this endeavour or this activity is of human origin, it will destroy itself. But if it comes from God, you will not be able to destroy them. In fact, you may find yourselves fighting against God"
Acts 5:38-39

So often now, there exists the option to express one's opinion - about anything, anyone, or anything. I do it all the time. Here is a great reminder from St Paul to be more prudent - to "wait" a little; to be less reactive, and more responsive. Otherwise, you may find yourself publicly criticizing something or someone you don't fully know.

On the road again....

(day 9 0f 50)

i'm going back to cali, to cali, to cali.
I think so!
Pray for the families we leave behind for four days...that they go fast, but are full of great times of music and ministry; and the Lord above all things!

". 10 He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. 11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing"
1 Thess 5:10-11

with those who are with us, and with those who've gone before, we can live in the community of God. To be caught in the middle of the love the Father has for the Son; all the favor, all the peace, now extended to us as His children. So i will pray for you, as you pray for me. This is the "great cloud of witnesses" extending onto the ground; Heaven meeting Earth in and through the praying Church. May we encounter Christ as we head towards the weekend, and towards another day of resurrection!

also, happy hump day :)

the night watch....

(day 8 of 50)

welp. First baby cold. It was bound to happen. I'm glad it did while i was home, and not on the road.

It's so hard watching your baby be sick, and not be able to just fix it. It's harder watching your wife AND your baby be sick. But, like i said - just glad im home to help. I'm taking the first shift - what i like to call "the night watch". I like the time, because it gives me a chance to be alone - not just with myself, but with God. To think and ponder life, and consider the things of Him, in the midst of this new ever changing life. 

My wife and i were talking earlier today about how another level of some of the sacrificial realities of parenthood hits you in a new way is when you're sick - because it's so natural to want your parents when you're sick - but when you're a parent,  and your baby is sick, you're wanted. So being a parent supersedes your own desire. 

Check out Psalm 34 (from "The Message")

I bless God every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise. ² I live and breathe God; if things aren't going well, hear this and be happy: ³ Join me in spreading the news; together let's get the word out. ⁴ God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears. ⁵ Look at him; give him your warmest smile. Never hide your feelings from him. ⁶ When I was desperate, I called out, and God got me out of a tight spot.  ⁷ God's angel sets up a circle of protection around us while we pray. ⁸ Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see— how good God is. Blessed are you who run to him. ⁹ Worship God if you want the best; worship opens doors to all his goodness. ¹⁰ Young lions on the prowl get hungry, but God-seekers are full of God. ¹¹ Come, children, listen closely; I'll give you a lesson in God worship. ¹² Who out there has a lust for life? Can't wait each day to come upon beauty? ¹³ Guard your tongue from profanity, and no more lying through your teeth. ¹⁴ Turn your back on sin; do something good. Embrace peace—don't let it get away! ¹⁵ God keeps an eye on his friends, his ears pick up every moan and groan. ¹⁶ God won't put up with rebels; he'll cull them from the pack. ¹⁷ Is anyone crying for help? God is listening, ready to rescue you. ¹⁸ If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there;  if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath. ¹⁹ Disciples so often get into trouble; still, God is there every time. ²⁰ He's your bodyguard, shielding every bone; not even a finger gets broken. ²¹ The wicked commit slow suicide; they waste their lives hating the good. ²² God pays for each slave's freedom; no one who runs to him loses out.

Man, i LOVE this whole thing. But certain verses stick out, like "never hide your feelings from Him", or "if you're kicked in the gut, He'll help you catch your breath"

- i try and subconsciously live sometimes as if God isn't aware of how i'm feeling, and when i come before Him, i'm subsequently not really honest - my prayers are shallow - not the ones out loud (although they follow suit), it's more so the ones inside. the unspoken dialogue. Is it honest? Or am i hiding? 

- today is a perfect example of life kicking you in the gut - in the larger scale of things, it is not a global problem - but man, it's certainly real. sick babies are real. and no sleep for them or you is real. God cares - if you're willing to reach out to him in the midst of that; if you're willing to seek Him out for deliverance from uncessary fear and worry, He will bring peace - sometimes in the form of vick's baby rub, so your son can breathe easy, and you can exhale a breath of thanks to a God who brings peace :)

"You don't know what love is....."

- is one of my favorite Jazz standards, featured in the "Great American Songbook". It's written by Don Raye (lyrics), and Gene de Paul (melody). It was made famous by artists such as Miles Davis, Chet Baker, and Billy Holliday. 

- it's a really sad song. Here's a sample of the lyrics:

"You don't know what love is 
Until you've learned the meaning of the blues 
Until you've loved a love you've had to lose 
You don't know what love is "

- Man. The line that gets me is "until you've loved a love you've had to lose". To put it another way, "you don't know what you got until it's gone".

In human love, there is a very real predicament of love that is not unconditional, or endless. In fact, love can be very temporary, which begs the question - was it real love to begin with? I think the songwriters are hitting on something though - that you don't know what love truly is, until you've had a small taste of it, but it leaves you. That is a taste of the eternal; a taste of Heaven; and it's only sustained in relationship with God; hence, why many people end up with a bad taste in their mouth about love - they only taste the fleeting human side - it's sweet on the front end, but doesn't last very long. 

and isn't it interesting that the love Jesus models is the love He gives away freely. But in Him, it's not lost, because it's a gift. Love that is given with an un met expectation of return is a bitter herb; but that's why we're supposed to knowingly give it away freely. 

- I got home from the road at 6:30 this morning, and my wife and son are both struggling with sore throats. boo! My wife was a trooper (she always is), but seriously - for an 8 and a half month old, it's a hard thing to grasp and logically accept that your nose is running, and your throat hurts. It was a long day. I was struck with how in my desire to "connect" with my family, i wasn't first asking, "how can i serve you"? This is the call we have - to serve one another, even in the midst of the every day struggles of life. 

The human ego is a fragile thing. You have to starve it and embrace it at the same time; to starve it is to not give in to things that temporarily satisfy; to embrace it is to not run from the ache that inevitably comes.

You won't intimately know what real love is until you've experienced the death and life that comes with it. It's not one or the other. In Christ, we're called to experience Passion, death and Resurrection. When we're living in that, we're living in the knowledge of what love really looks like. 

Emmaus, part 4 (April 15th)

(day 7 of 60)

"So they set out at once and returned to Jerusalem
where they found gathered together
the Eleven and those with them who were saying,
"The Lord has truly been raised and has appeared to Simon!"
Then the two recounted what had taken place on the way
and how he was made known to them in the breaking of the bread."

 - Luke 24: 33-35

 Imagine a world where evangelization was less about events and preachers and worship leaders and artists, and more about everyday people who were compelled to share the truth of seeing and recognizing Jesus for who He is on the way of life - that's the vision of the role of the Church in the world. 

Imagine running back to the places in your life where you've experienced failure and defeat and doubt, and proclaiming that Jesus is Risen. 

 - that's the vision of the resurrection power of God in your life. 

to me, the end of the emmaus story is the story of the New Evangelization - that is, the re-evangeliziing of the church, and of a post Christian culture. There are people in our churches who have fallen asleep. Church is more like another event you attend to be entertained, (rather than the weekly communal celebration of the passion, death, and resurrection of Jesus it's meant to be). There are many who have walked away from God, from too many hurts and wounds. It's now reflected in our culture. Emmaus is about meeting Jesus on the journey, in the valley's of this life; of seeing Him broken, in our brokenness. The bread is broken, and so are we. It about burning hearts that keep you going when you want to give up, and eyes that take in more light so that the darkness wanes more and more. 

It is then sharing that illumination, and how it happens in the most humble of circumstances - the breaking of the bread. The sharing in His life in us, and our life in Him. 

Emmaus Part 3 (April 14th)

"As they approached the village to which they were going,
he gave the impression that he was going on farther.
But they urged him, "Stay with us,
for it is nearly evening and the day is almost over."
So he went in to stay with them.
And it happened that, while he was with them at table,
he took bread, said the blessing,
broke it, and gave it to them.
With that their eyes were opened and they recognized him,
but he vanished from their sight.
Then they said to each other,
"Were not our hearts burning within us
while he spoke to us on the way and opened the Scriptures to us?"

Luke 24:28-32

 - I love spicy food. But i'm %100 Dutch, Irish, and Scottish. That translates to one outcome - heartburn :) 

But heartburn is evidence - of a changed reality. Of an interaction that had symptoms of that change. Cleopas and his counterpart experienced symptomatic evidence of a changed reality - that being "heartburn". Of course it wasn't gas and indigestion they experienced - it was the "burning" of their hearts; that is, the effect of the heart simultaneously agreeing with and longing for what it's sensing through one of the senses - in this case, their hearing. They heard Jesus' voice breaking open the scriptures, and it made their hearts "burn". It set them on fire with the truth of the logos; and all the "dots" connected in the breaking of the bread. That is, if Jesus explained how in the scriptures He was to die for the sins of man, then he spoke of the Passover, and how He was the final sacrifice. So when He stayed with them, and broke the bread, their eyes were opened to the reality of the New Covenant - that Jesus is the fulfillment of the Old, and the Progenitor of the New. 

In other words, the Cross makes the most sense in light of Eucharist - the breaking of the bread. There, Jesus - crucified, dead, and risen and victorious is present, inviting His church into that great mystery of faith - that His death destroys death, His rising restores life, and so we pray for His return.